I've decided that Old Girl isn't a bad person, just utterly clueless. Yesterday she offered to get fast food, either hamburgers or pizza for lunch. I politely declined and mentioned that I had brought mine from home. Genuinely curious, she asked me what it was. "I have a fake chicken patty sandwich, it's kinda like tofu", I said, thinking of my mycoprotien patty, moldering away in my desk drawer. The work refrigerator was so crammed full of soda, there was no room left for other perishables.
"Are you vegetarian?" she asked, but didn't stop to hear my answer. "I met a chick on a married couples' retreat once that was vegetarian, you know you meet all sorts of people there, anyway, she was eating a bowl of cereal one morning and it was really loud! So I said, Hey you, there's milk for your cereal! You don't have to eat it dry! Then the gal told me she was vee-jin." She pronounced the term as though it was the first time she had ever said it out loud. "Do you know what that is? I had never heard of it! I had to ask my husband! So do you eat your cereal dry as well?" I replied, "No, I use soymilk", but she mowed down my reply with her opinion on the superiority of grilling fish to baking it. I didn't catch the details of the summation due to the fact that I was envisioning an adult woman at a breakfast bar excitedly pointing out obvious sundries for other grown people. "I guess you couldn't eat the pizza either," she ventured. "Hey did you know that you could just not put the cheese on the pizza if you were veejin? You wouldn't have to put the meat on there either." I stared at my computer screen then finally said softly, "Yep. That's how I make it at home." "Oh you do! Well that just great! I didn't see a ring on your finger so I didn't know that you would cook for just yourself at home. "
Fuck me. Tomorrow I'm bringing headphones.