Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Losing Patience

I'm only a week into this job and already my grumpiness is spilling over into other areas of my life. I think that because I can't tell La Familia Dingbat to shove it that I'm being extremely curt to my friends. I mean, I have to respond to the phrase "Watch out now, razor blades are sharp", somehow, but I can't say what I'm really thinking. My outward countenance just gives a half-smile and nods, but my inner monologue starts ranting like Lewis Black. "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, REALLY? Thanks Mom, I would've brushed my teeth with a handful if it hadn't been for your ample, timely warning!" What's next? Are you going to tell me that cars have brakes to make them not go bye-bye anymore?
...and I quote, "Do you know that you can have Thanksgiving on a budget? The grocery store sells turkeys for $2.00!"
If you had looked closer you would've seen that the sign said $2.00 per pound. I'm overjoyed that you are in charge of cutting my paychecks.

I know, I know, I sound like Queen Bitch here, but I think I might be losing my mind - and that's saying something. I have a "detail oriented" grandmother that's been snapping out bits like the aforementioned since I was four. Thankfully, I have honed ability to tune her out. However, there is assuredly a difference between a slightly senile eighty-year-old stating the obvious and a supposedly "mentally healthy" woman of 48 telling me the same damn thing. I cannot help but to react to the latter.

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